当前位置: 首页 > 留学材料翻译 > 出国动机信修改润色

出国动机信修改润色

浏览量:2174 发布时间:2015-03-20 00:14:40
出国动机信修改润色 TEL : 010-59419918 或 139-1143-2507

出国动机信修改,动机信润色,动机信代写,出国动机信模板内容见下文。

很多学生不知道怎么写留学动机信,要不就是写得大而空,写的内容都千篇一律,和别人对比没有任何亮点和新意。金笔佳文翻译公司有专门的留学文书部门,每年处理大量的出国动机信修改出国动机信润色等工作,以下是我们帮一位学生做的动机信的修改润色样稿,同学们可以仔细看看改前和改后的”巨大差异“!

申请者写动机信修改润色案例

某大学动机信写作要求:为什么选我们学校,为什么选我们专业,对专业的哪一部分更感兴趣,以后的职业理想,先前的教育背景、研究背景和工作经历等等。
申请者客户的烦恼:你好!我感觉自己的字数太少,问客服能不能加100个字左右,客服叫我写中文,方便你添加,但是我思路狭窄,想不出更多的,麻烦您们帮我修改润色!
其他任何有必要或者没必要添加的地方都麻烦帮我能写点就写点吧,现在才500多个字,我想至少得600多字吧。可是我自己实在写不出来了,没办法...谢谢!

客户动机信修改润色案例

(案例公示已征得客户同意)

原文:Dear Sir or Madam:   (这种文书需要Dear Sir or Madam开头和Sincerely结尾这种格式吗?)
修改后:Dear Sir or Madam: (批语:无需修改)

原文:I will graduate from Zhejiang Normal University in June 2014. My major is Environmental Science specialized in Water Pollution Control and Management. I am writing this letter to apply for the WAREM Master’s Program at the University of Stuttgart.
客户解释或疑问:划横线这句话我感觉太普通了,有没有更好的开头,帮我换一个嘛。谢谢!

修改后:My name is XXX. I will graduate from Zhejiang Normal University in June 2014. My major is environmental science specialized in water pollution control and management. I am writing this letter to apply for the WAREM Master’s Program at the University of Stuttgart.

原文:My lecturer Haiying Yu received her doctorate in Germany, who is a real knowledgeable person and has high academic achievements. I heard a lot from her about German strong professional background, superior research facilities and great academic environment. Under her influence, I have a strong and growing thirst for German education and determined to further my study in German university. Then I searched for environmental-related majors of master degree in DAAD and the WAREM Program has my attention.
客户解释或疑问:本段我想表达的中文意思是:因为我的任课老师在德国获得博士学位,她学识渊博,有很大的学术成就,我十分仰慕她,也时常听他说起在德国的学习生活,想成为一名如他一般优秀的学者/研究人员。按照这个意思麻烦你修改下语言,我可能表达出来的感情不够那么强烈(我十分仰慕她这种情怀我表述不来)。谢谢~
修改后:My lecturer Haiying Yu is a real knowledgeable person with high academic achievements who received her doctorate in Germany. She was a very influential teacher to me and I have heard a lot about Germany’s academic strengths, superior research facilities and great academic environment from her during my study. She cultivated my ever-growing thirst for German education and it prompts me to further my study in a German university and become an excellent scholar like her. Then I searched for environmental-related majors for master´s degree in DAAD and the WAREM Program attracted my attention. I believe that it is what I was searching for.

原文:The program focuses on the water resources utilization and management, and it was just what I want to study, because I recognize the importance of sustainable water resources development, which deeply stimulate my desire for more knowledge in this field.(客户解释或疑问:这句话想表达的意思是:我认识到水资源可持续利用十分的重要,这激发了我对这一领域深入学习的欲望。我可能还是表达不清楚自己的意图,麻烦您修改下) Specifically, three factors fascinate me to the WAREM programme: First, Stuttgart is the headquarters of many world-famous enterprises where I can get a lot of internship opportunities to enhance my professional skills. Second, the University of Stuttgart has excellent research facilities in the water sector, among which a particularly appealing one is the largest prototype waste water treatment plant in Europe. Third, the programme can provide not only an international study environment for me but also the opportunity to receive a double degree.
客户解释或疑问:上面这三句话是述说我为什么选择这门课程?
译文:China is experiencing a rapid urbanisation, but the lack of resources is a hindrance. So this major has its practical significance for my country. The recognition of the importance of sustainable water utilisation motivated me to further my study in this area. The programme focuses on the water resources utilisation and management, which are exactly what I want to learn. I have three reasons to join in the WAREM programme: First, Stuttgart, as the headquarters of many world-famous enterprises, may offer me a lot of internship opportunities to enhance my professional skills. Second, the University of Stuttgart has excellent research facilities in the water sector, among which the largest prototype waste water treatment plant in Europe is particularly appealing. Third, the programme can provide me with not only an international study environment but also the opportunity to receive a double degree.

原文:I strongly believe that I am well qualified for the WAREM Master’s Program. I have a solid basic knowledge background, especially in Chemistry and Biology, which can be confirmed by my excellent academic performance. Meanwhile,  with the right professional background in water related subjects, such as Environmental Engineering Principles, in which Fluid Mechanics was taught, I feel confident about my future study in Stuttgart .
客户解释或疑问:
这段是说我自己为什么能申请成功?优势在哪。。
1是我的学习成绩很好,特别是化学和物理。
2是我学习的“环境工程原理”中有流体力学的内容,所以我的本科专业背景是与贵校这个专业相匹配的(meanwhile开头这句话我写的很糟糕,希望你能帮忙表述清楚)
下面这段本来和上面这段是一个段落的,因为的感觉放在一段字数太多,就分成两段了,但是现在分成两段后,感觉两段之间衔接不大,不是很好,希望你能加个过渡句或者有其他办法,使得文章整体自然流利一些。谢谢!
修改后:In a word, the studying experience in WAREM would be very helpful for my future career. And after thorough consideration, I strongly believe that I am also well qualified for the WAREM Master’s Programme, because I have a solid basic knowledge background, especially in chemistry and biology, which can be seen from my excellent academic performance. Furthermore, the academic background in water-related subjects makes me feel capable of dealing with my future study in Stuttgart, for example, I’ve learnt fluid mechanics in the course of environmental engineering principles.

原文:Moreover, in order to correlate the theory with practice, I take the initiative to devote my considerable time and energy to the research work and participated actively in a variety of social practice to constantly improve myself. On the one hand, I did five research projects in the last three years and published a paper in "Guizhou Agricultural Sciences" in 2013, which is one of the core journals  in China. By cooperating with other four team members, I also applied for a patent on a new-style burnisher in 2013. You can tell my enormous enthusiastic in this field. On the other hand, I attended a variety of internship and practical activities to improve my professional knowledge and skills.
客户解释或疑问:这一段是吹我自己在科研(发表了一篇论文,申请了一个专利,大学三年做过5个课题)和专业实践活动(包括两次实习经历和许多专业活动)两个方面都做得很好。
我想把这两个方面清楚地分开来写,用的连词是on the one hand,可是感觉连词运用不当,帮忙在逻辑,结构,用词上改写下。谢谢!
修改后:Moreover, in order to develop my theoretical and practical skills in a balanced way, I invested considerable time and energy into the research work and participated social practices. As for my academic experience, I did five research projects during the last three years and published a paper in "Guizhou Agricultural Sciences" in 2013, a core journal in China. In practice field, I also applied for a patent on a new-style burnisher in 2013 by cooperating with four team members. You can see my enormous enthusiasm in this field. Additionally, I had many internships and practical activities to improve my professional knowledge and skills.

原文:I am a student who has great potential in this field and eager to make a difference in sustainable water resources development in China. I feel comfortable with the list of courses and confident of my ability to conquer the assignments.  My career goal is to make a difference in the water resource management in China, even it may be just a small difference. I would like to have in-depth research on this field, continue my studies in PhD degree and furthermore find employment in research institutes or universities in China. With the knowledge and skills of the management of water resources provided by Stuttgart, I believe the program will be the step stone to help me achieve my life goal.
客户解释或疑问:这段讲我在这个学科领域的潜力很大和今后的人生目标——希望今后继续深造,读博后能够在中国科研院所或者高校任教,并为中国水资源可持续利用方面做些贡献。
末尾句说了下这个课程是我今后事业道路的垫脚石。
(能不能将末尾句扩展一些,我没有具体写出该课程能带来哪些好处。能不能麻烦你帮忙写两句关于这个课程给我带来的好处。我能得到什么?间接表达我渴望申请成功的意思。谢谢!)比如:扩展我的专业视野,在水资源利用与管理这个科研领域更加深入,学得更多的专业技能与知识等等。可以帮助我更好的就业。成为这个科研领域的人才等等。可以更多的为中国甚至全球水资源利用做贡献。。。
修改后:I checked the curriculum and found myself really liking it. This major is my passion and strength, and my teachers also see my potential in this field. I have the confidence to complete the courses satisfyingly with these advantages. I would like to carry on in-depth researches, continue to pursue the PhD degree and finally find a job in a research institute or a university in China. On this platform, I may meet more influential experts and have a better perspective. These advantages will surely facilitate my job hunting in China. My career goal is to make a difference in the water resource management in China, even it may be just a small one. The water resource management knowledge and skills learnt from Stuttgart would make it much easier to achieve my life goals.

原文:While the drinking water sources of China are increasingly worse in recent years and people's drinking security is threatened, my desire for improving the Chinese water quality becomes clearer and stronger. If I have the opportunity to study the WAREM program, I would give it all my best efforts and return to my motherland after graduation to dedicate myself to make full use of water resource and achieve sustainable water resources development in China.
客户解释或疑问:这段是再次表述我十分想申请成功的意图,我个人觉得自己英文水平实在有限,表达不出那种想要的强烈情感,希望你能帮我在语言上润色下。
修改后:The aggravating drinking water quality of China threatens people's drinking security. It’s a top national concern and this problem strengthened my resolve to improve the China’s water quality. High-level environmental engineers and new technologies are badly needed here. I would use the platform of WAREM to acquire as much knowledge and skills as I can if I have the opportunity to join in it, and return to my motherland after graduation to apply what I’ve learnt to my work. I’m ready to dedicate myself to the career of water resource utilization and sustainable water resources development in China.

原文:I am a student who has great potential in this field and eager to make a difference in sustainable water resources development in China. I feel comfortable with the list of courses and confident of my ability to conquer the assignments.  My career goal is to make a difference in the water resource management in China, even it may be just a small difference. I would like to have in-depth research on this field, continue my studies in PhD degree and furthermore find employment in research institutes or universities in China. With the knowledge and skills of the management of water resources provided by Stuttgart, I believe the program will be the step stone to help me achieve my life goal.
客户解释或疑问:这段讲我在这个学科领域的潜力很大和今后的人生目标——希望今后继续深造,读博后能够在中国科研院所或者高校任教,并为中国水资源可持续利用方面做些贡献。
末尾句说了下这个课程是我今后事业道路的垫脚石。
(能不能将末尾句扩展一些,我没有具体写出该课程能带来哪些好处。能不能麻烦你帮忙写两句关于这个课程给我带来的好处。我能得到什么?间接表达我渴望申请成功的意思。谢谢!)比如:扩展我的专业视野,在水资源利用与管理这个科研领域更加深入,学得更多的专业技能与知识等等。可以帮助我更好的就业。成为这个科研领域的人才等等。可以更多的为中国甚至全球水资源利用做贡献......
修改后:The aggravating drinking water quality of China threatens people's drinking security. It’s a top national concern and this problem strengthened my resolve to improve the China’s water quality. High-level environmental engineers and new technologies are badly needed here. I would use the platform of WAREM to acquire as much knowledge and skills as I can if I have the opportunity to join in it, and return to my motherland after graduation to apply what I’ve learnt to my work. I’m ready to dedicate myself to the career of water resource utilization and sustainable water resources development in China.

原文:Thanks for your time and consideration.
修改后:Thanks for your time and consideration.

原文:Look forward to hearing from you soon.
客户解释或疑问:这两句话适合么?中间空这么多空行没关系吧?

修改后:I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon.

原文:Yours Sincerely,
修改后:Yours Sincerely,(批语:无需修改)

原文:XXX
修改后:XXX(批语:无需修改)

经过对客户的出国动机信修改后,申请者整个思路非常清晰和明确,最后帮助申请者如愿申请上理想的学校,客户非常满意!

任何有关出国动机信修改,动机信润色,出国动机信代写,出国动机信模板的问题,欢迎咨询我们!转载此文(http://www.zhengjiantong.com/article/20150319231621.html),请注明出处!原创文章,转载不保留地址,我们保留法律追究权!

分享到:
网站首页 网站地图 © 2008-2014 北京证件通翻译京ICP备15040145号-2
-